Dear Class of 2011,
It has come to my attention recently that I cannot sit where I would like to be seated because your butt takes up the space where my butt should be. I'd like to draw a quote from the holy book: "The Front Hall is the major public space in the Upper School. It is the reception area for visitors to the school, and houses the telephone switchboard. It is surrounded by administrative offices and it is a place of business. It is also a gathering place for students in grades 11 and 12." Class of 2011, just because students in grade 11 are allowed in the Front Hall does not mean you are. Please find a more suitable place to sit.
Also, for those of you about to attend Prom, this is not your Prom.
Also, why is it that I can look at a lineup of the males in your grade and pick out only a few reasonably good looking ones? Was there some kind of toxin released in the air in mid-to-late 1992 that changed your genes? No other class has had such a large problem with issues like this one. Fix it.
Lastly, if you resemble any kind of vegetable, string beans for example, note that you are lower down on the food chain than everyone else. It's not just in your appearance, but in your nature too.
Sincerely,
Mean and Cold Tofurkey
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
THE RULES
these are the rules to text message hang man. get it strait, you cheaters.
1) you need to actually know how to spell the word your doing and where the letters are in the word. if you fuck this up it is absolutely unacepptable and you should be tazered. twice.
2) you may NOT NOT NOT NOT ask for outside help. no showing anyone your little piece of paper that ur keeping track of the letters on. you may not ask anyone under any circumstances. ESPECIALLY not jq. if you do this you are a bad person and are henceforth dqed from any further texthangmanning.
3) the way you set it up is as follows, so as to avoid confusion in the future:
a) person who has the word states the number of letters in the word
b) person guessing guesses letters; if correct, person with the word states the number spot that the letter is in (for example 3 in the word happy would be P). if incorrect a simple "no" will suffice.
4) if you cheat or violate these rules i hate you and you suck and your name is probably j? or hotassturkey.
1) you need to actually know how to spell the word your doing and where the letters are in the word. if you fuck this up it is absolutely unacepptable and you should be tazered. twice.
2) you may NOT NOT NOT NOT ask for outside help. no showing anyone your little piece of paper that ur keeping track of the letters on. you may not ask anyone under any circumstances. ESPECIALLY not jq. if you do this you are a bad person and are henceforth dqed from any further texthangmanning.
3) the way you set it up is as follows, so as to avoid confusion in the future:
a) person who has the word states the number of letters in the word
b) person guessing guesses letters; if correct, person with the word states the number spot that the letter is in (for example 3 in the word happy would be P). if incorrect a simple "no" will suffice.
4) if you cheat or violate these rules i hate you and you suck and your name is probably j? or hotassturkey.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tofurkey on Junior Spring
junior spring? more like all of my high school education added up, doubled and on speed. wtf, douche? why do you assume that your essay has priority over my fifteen page biology paper? speaking of which, i have no thesis, no research, and no interest about/in my subject. who the fuck cares about snakes?
also, who knew that community action could be such a good way to get gossip about the kids i don't talk to? well, it is. also it lets me miss an art class to go eat some food in the community, which is pretty legit. although it does mean spending time with laxing sophomore[(s), but really just singular].
on the bright side, it's supposed to be really nice out for the next three days. i wonder which girl will wear the least amount of clothing to school tomorrow. any bets?
also, i have a prom this weekend. fml. why did i think it would be fun to do two? who knows.
oh, and--
seen but not heard: a flame rekindled between a naked football player and a rumored A-Rod wannabe.
extinguished: year long fire with ten word text message.
fired up: genius about past with dummy. this smartie may have made her situation worse by striking a match under the orange butt of a junior girl.
sorry, anonymous gossip blogger (meanbuttrue.blogspot.com). i can't resist spreading the word to the masses.
also, who knew that community action could be such a good way to get gossip about the kids i don't talk to? well, it is. also it lets me miss an art class to go eat some food in the community, which is pretty legit. although it does mean spending time with laxing sophomore[(s), but really just singular].
on the bright side, it's supposed to be really nice out for the next three days. i wonder which girl will wear the least amount of clothing to school tomorrow. any bets?
also, i have a prom this weekend. fml. why did i think it would be fun to do two? who knows.
oh, and--
seen but not heard: a flame rekindled between a naked football player and a rumored A-Rod wannabe.
extinguished: year long fire with ten word text message.
fired up: genius about past with dummy. this smartie may have made her situation worse by striking a match under the orange butt of a junior girl.
sorry, anonymous gossip blogger (meanbuttrue.blogspot.com)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
my math teacher is a fucking retard and i hate him
if the sin= 1/2 and the cos = route 3/2 and the sin= y/r and the cos=x/r and r is the radius then the radius should equal two. but we are using a ONE unit circle. someone please explain to me why every denominator for the points on the unit circle is 2, when the radius of a unit circle is one.
Monday, April 20, 2009
suggestions?
take your suggestions for me facebook and shove them up ur cyber-ass. i do NOT want to be a fan of fucking "summer" or "icee's" NOR do i want to be friends with madeliene blood, just because we both went to gfs. GODDAMN IT.
fan?
added to the list of things that suck is the ability to become a "fan" on facebook.
it started with celebrities, like ok, your a fan of seth rogen or jessica simpson, fine thats fair.
being a fan of juice? a fan of watching tv? a fan of SLEEP? what. you cant be a fan of these things. these things are not fan worthy. if you are interested in or you like to do them then thats fine but its not like you are a FAN. i wish people would stop making fan pages for dumb shit. "hugs" can not check its facebook and see that you became a fan. what makes it worse is when OBSCENE amounts of my friends become a fan of something. really? twelve of my friends are now a fan of text messaging? REALLY? come on, friends.
it started with celebrities, like ok, your a fan of seth rogen or jessica simpson, fine thats fair.
being a fan of juice? a fan of watching tv? a fan of SLEEP? what. you cant be a fan of these things. these things are not fan worthy. if you are interested in or you like to do them then thats fine but its not like you are a FAN. i wish people would stop making fan pages for dumb shit. "hugs" can not check its facebook and see that you became a fan. what makes it worse is when OBSCENE amounts of my friends become a fan of something. really? twelve of my friends are now a fan of text messaging? REALLY? come on, friends.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Deep.... RED
I am radiating heat. I really need some AH action before prom because between yesterday and today, my lax lines have gotten SOOOOO bad. I am tomato red. I am radiating heat, jay query style. you would think that it would be nice to be tan, but its not tan and its not nice it BURNS. funny story though, one of the girls in my group at lax today was orange. actually orange. her spray tan was horrible and i have now ruled out that as a possibility for myself. the only option is a bed maybe everyday. AHAH. <-- clever. if you get it.
that is what i look like, actually because i have a lacrosse goggles tan too. its bad.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
room temperature turkey
to do:
read Da Vinci Code
find art history folder
get to school on time
catch up on Tudors
skip popular April holiday
shocked by:
lack of musical knowledge by Setsy “who’s Bob Marley?” Bachs
snitches
content of spanish book: “me agarró toda la panocha” (“he grabbed my whole pussy”)
holes in wall of math classroom
looking forward to:
SATs (not)
triple frees
my new fucking haircut
what DGP will wear tomorrow
Skins season 4, not that it comes out any time soon.
read Da Vinci Code
find art history folder
get to school on time
catch up on Tudors
skip popular April holiday
shocked by:
lack of musical knowledge by Setsy “who’s Bob Marley?” Bachs
snitches
content of spanish book: “me agarró toda la panocha” (“he grabbed my whole pussy”)
holes in wall of math classroom
looking forward to:
SATs (not)
triple frees
my new fucking haircut
what DGP will wear tomorrow
Skins season 4, not that it comes out any time soon.
Monday, April 13, 2009
but things still suck
not being a senior
writing my own biology paper
never sleeping
deodorant that never works
writing my own biology paper
never sleeping
deodorant that never works
on a lighter note
the nightmare before christmas
outkast
green
the life of pi
my prom dress
sixty three degrees and sunny
vampires
outkast
green
the life of pi
my prom dress
sixty three degrees and sunny
vampires
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Guest Blog: Cold Tofurkey*
is it just me or was today the Day of the Prom? i know for a fact that five juniors and one lucky sophomore color-and-design cutie left school with dates.
hungover from travel and passover wine, school was not bright today. it was made as dark as the most recent pre-calc retest when i realized that all of the good dates were going fast, and my friends were the ones who took them. after a long conversation (post seder [post manischewitz]) with a smoky senior boy, i lost all lust for prom.
a wise divorce support leader once told me that everyone who wants a prom date gets a prom date, so i trudged on like the little engine who could with these words resounding in my head. i was about to give up when three little birds told me to ask the boy from art class (who i've been pining over for a long time). a math class, a failed note, and a homework problem about prom later, i had a date.
with pre prom out of the way (and at a beautiful house, i may add), now all we have to think about is after prom. will i be with setsy and coolpantslucy? only the prom gods can decide that fate. lets hope for nice weather. bluebell, anyone?
seems like the clouds cleared for this ex-substance-loving, ex-prom-hating blogger.
be on the lookout for these dates:
junior girl with french connection and secret guitar god
not-so-secret guitar hero goddess and dominating basketball star
also, will the owner of the silver volvo ever reach martyrdom? or is that just setsy sabotage?
*i want my alias to be "Cold Tofurkey" in homage to me being a vegetarian who is quitting drugs.
hungover from travel and passover wine, school was not bright today. it was made as dark as the most recent pre-calc retest when i realized that all of the good dates were going fast, and my friends were the ones who took them. after a long conversation (post seder [post manischewitz]) with a smoky senior boy, i lost all lust for prom.
a wise divorce support leader once told me that everyone who wants a prom date gets a prom date, so i trudged on like the little engine who could with these words resounding in my head. i was about to give up when three little birds told me to ask the boy from art class (who i've been pining over for a long time). a math class, a failed note, and a homework problem about prom later, i had a date.
with pre prom out of the way (and at a beautiful house, i may add), now all we have to think about is after prom. will i be with setsy and coolpantslucy? only the prom gods can decide that fate. lets hope for nice weather. bluebell, anyone?
seems like the clouds cleared for this ex-substance-loving, ex-prom-hating blogger.
be on the lookout for these dates:
junior girl with french connection and secret guitar god
not-so-secret guitar hero goddess and dominating basketball star
also, will the owner of the silver volvo ever reach martyrdom? or is that just setsy sabotage?
*i want my alias to be "Cold Tofurkey" in homage to me being a vegetarian who is quitting drugs.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
no one cares
no one cares about your status. if you want people to care, go twitter.
no one cares about how much you drank this weekend
no one cares about your pet cat or dog either
no one cares about the about me section so stop writing in it
no one wants to watch you talk on a video message for seven minutes without stopping. not even the person u left the video for.
no one cares about the compare people application so stop feeling good about your number three "person i'd rather be stuck in handcuffs with". thats not a compliment.
no one cares about an album with sixty of the same photos, you and your friends. different angle. different angle. add a person. different angle. make a funny face. different angle. SAVE IT.
no one cares about how high your jetman score is
no one wants to see your bong on facebook
no one wants to see one thousand pictures of you. take them down. immediately.
no one cares about your "notes" either. and dont u dare label those surverys in a note "everyone else was doing it so i just had to" or "really bored and this was kind of cool". cut that shit out. now.
no one cares if you were tagged as "the one with good style" or "the creative one".
no one cares about you so clean up your facebook
no one cares about how much you drank this weekend
no one cares about your pet cat or dog either
no one cares about the about me section so stop writing in it
no one wants to watch you talk on a video message for seven minutes without stopping. not even the person u left the video for.
no one cares about the compare people application so stop feeling good about your number three "person i'd rather be stuck in handcuffs with". thats not a compliment.
no one cares about an album with sixty of the same photos, you and your friends. different angle. different angle. add a person. different angle. make a funny face. different angle. SAVE IT.
no one cares about how high your jetman score is
no one wants to see your bong on facebook
no one wants to see one thousand pictures of you. take them down. immediately.
no one cares about your "notes" either. and dont u dare label those surverys in a note "everyone else was doing it so i just had to" or "really bored and this was kind of cool". cut that shit out. now.
no one cares if you were tagged as "the one with good style" or "the creative one".
no one cares about you so clean up your facebook
prom
something tells me this will be the first of many. im thinking of keeping a record of all the prama.
is everyone breaking up? or is everyone getting back together? is it wrong to not go with your significant other? what if they are a freshmen? (please refrain). outside of school dates? prom groups? after prom? million dollar question: is it wrong to hook up with someone other than your date? how do you know if your date wants u or if its just friends? can girls ask guys? (the answer is of course but no girl wants to, and boys, save ur breath on the spiel about why its not fair and just ask) seems like casual hook ups have been pretty successful recently so u might want to find a mate now just in case asking season comes and everyones already semi-coupled off. asking in a creative way? asking in a romantic way? not asking and just kind of agreeing? having that long prom conversation and then not having a clear, definite, yes or no at the end? let me just advise against the "prom?" text message.
who has decided on dates? this is what im most interested in... seeing whose going together... two days back to school and prom is in the air
is everyone breaking up? or is everyone getting back together? is it wrong to not go with your significant other? what if they are a freshmen? (please refrain). outside of school dates? prom groups? after prom? million dollar question: is it wrong to hook up with someone other than your date? how do you know if your date wants u or if its just friends? can girls ask guys? (the answer is of course but no girl wants to, and boys, save ur breath on the spiel about why its not fair and just ask) seems like casual hook ups have been pretty successful recently so u might want to find a mate now just in case asking season comes and everyones already semi-coupled off. asking in a creative way? asking in a romantic way? not asking and just kind of agreeing? having that long prom conversation and then not having a clear, definite, yes or no at the end? let me just advise against the "prom?" text message.
who has decided on dates? this is what im most interested in... seeing whose going together... two days back to school and prom is in the air
Friday, April 3, 2009
ok skins
skins needs to be talked about right now. if you havent caught up all the way to the season finale of episode three then don't read this.
ok i warned you now im gonna talk about it.
WTF SKINS! this shit was so bad. the worst. no one died. no one cried even. except cook which is like wtf cook your a dousch (that word is STILL not spelled right ) bag. most exciting thing that happened: jj winning the granny race. this season is so bad, jj is becoming my favorite character. i mean we didnt even get to see freddie and effy have sex. we saw them alone in a room and then it cut the scene. i repeat, WTF. wheres pandora? wheres james? no sign of emily or katie or naomi either in the sesaon finale maybe they are off having a lesbian twin threesome. as much as emily is all pissed at naomi for like messing with her i kind of side with naomi like if i just discovered i was gay i woudlnt wanna be all out there showing it off at prom and shit, ESPECALLY since she just ended that affair with that teacher who slept with her mom (remember that??). oh i just remembered the other great thing about the finale: watching freddie jack off. that was hot, too bad jj had to ruin it and his slut sister. biggest dissapointment: no scenes from next season?! WHAT does that mean. i mean is there gonna be a whole new cast? because im not sure i can deal with that, skins. i JUST got used to this cast, and i mean BARELY used to them. HOW much do i miss jal tones chelle cas maxxie anwar (slumdog oscar-aire) and chris :,-( (wow check out that smiley face making.) the answer to that question, btw, is SO much. TOO much. what i woudlnt GIVE for a guest appearance on next season.
anyway. finale sucked. things i want to see happen next season:
1) katie die. or get rid of the lisp. mostly die tho.
2) emily and naomi finally get together and emily leaves her for some new ho.
3) freddie and effy like for REALS together SANS cook.
4) cook will most likely be the one to die actually. altho maybe seeing his dad hell be a better person now. maybe him and katie will hook up... hm...
5) pandora lose some fucking weight. or stop showing her in her underwear. seriously the james episode when she came out and was like "im ready for you to surf and turf me now" (sidenote surf and turf wtf? makes me wanna kill her) i was like whoa sister put it away. i hate her i hate pandora so much. shes so fucking annoying. i hated her in the two episodes she was in the second season and i hate her now.
6) now that i think about it, mostly about pandoras mom, cook is prolly gonna start bangin some moms. starting with effys i think, that horny just-divorceé, she would prolly fuck him. the adults have no morals on skins.
7) even if they killed someone off, i don't think i would feel as much or cry as hard as i did when we found out about chris. that wasnt really a number just something that happens.
.... so what do we do now? wait, skinslovers, we wait and we pray that we won't be dissapointed. the way things ended tho... seems like we might be. but thats just me.
ok i warned you now im gonna talk about it.
WTF SKINS! this shit was so bad. the worst. no one died. no one cried even. except cook which is like wtf cook your a dousch (that word is STILL not spelled right ) bag. most exciting thing that happened: jj winning the granny race. this season is so bad, jj is becoming my favorite character. i mean we didnt even get to see freddie and effy have sex. we saw them alone in a room and then it cut the scene. i repeat, WTF. wheres pandora? wheres james? no sign of emily or katie or naomi either in the sesaon finale maybe they are off having a lesbian twin threesome. as much as emily is all pissed at naomi for like messing with her i kind of side with naomi like if i just discovered i was gay i woudlnt wanna be all out there showing it off at prom and shit, ESPECALLY since she just ended that affair with that teacher who slept with her mom (remember that??). oh i just remembered the other great thing about the finale: watching freddie jack off. that was hot, too bad jj had to ruin it and his slut sister. biggest dissapointment: no scenes from next season?! WHAT does that mean. i mean is there gonna be a whole new cast? because im not sure i can deal with that, skins. i JUST got used to this cast, and i mean BARELY used to them. HOW much do i miss jal tones chelle cas maxxie anwar (slumdog oscar-aire) and chris :,-( (wow check out that smiley face making.) the answer to that question, btw, is SO much. TOO much. what i woudlnt GIVE for a guest appearance on next season.
anyway. finale sucked. things i want to see happen next season:
1) katie die. or get rid of the lisp. mostly die tho.
2) emily and naomi finally get together and emily leaves her for some new ho.
3) freddie and effy like for REALS together SANS cook.
4) cook will most likely be the one to die actually. altho maybe seeing his dad hell be a better person now. maybe him and katie will hook up... hm...
5) pandora lose some fucking weight. or stop showing her in her underwear. seriously the james episode when she came out and was like "im ready for you to surf and turf me now" (sidenote surf and turf wtf? makes me wanna kill her) i was like whoa sister put it away. i hate her i hate pandora so much. shes so fucking annoying. i hated her in the two episodes she was in the second season and i hate her now.
6) now that i think about it, mostly about pandoras mom, cook is prolly gonna start bangin some moms. starting with effys i think, that horny just-divorceé, she would prolly fuck him. the adults have no morals on skins.
7) even if they killed someone off, i don't think i would feel as much or cry as hard as i did when we found out about chris. that wasnt really a number just something that happens.
.... so what do we do now? wait, skinslovers, we wait and we pray that we won't be dissapointed. the way things ended tho... seems like we might be. but thats just me.
say WHAT
this is jimmy brooks from degrassi, the cutey in the wheel chair...
.... and this is rapper "drake rogers"
WHAT. when did jimmy start rapping? when did he get from cute to hot? if you listen to his voice it sounds completely different but... its him. trust me on this one.
.... and this is rapper "drake rogers"
WHAT. when did jimmy start rapping? when did he get from cute to hot? if you listen to his voice it sounds completely different but... its him. trust me on this one.
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